


All That We Have

by koalathebear



Series: The Expanse: Missing Scenes [2]
Category: The Expanse (TV), The Expanse Series - James S. A. Corey
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 01:04:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8124586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koalathebear/pseuds/koalathebear
Summary: Set post season 1 of The Expanse the tv series, post-Leviathan Wakes (books).  I was just thinking about Holden's [spoiler] meds and the fact that he has to take them every day.  Spoilers for Leviathan Wakes (book).





	

Naomi sits and watches as Holden prepares his cocktail of anti-cancer meds. He has to take them every day to combat the tumours that bloom with sinister determination in his body, a dark souvenir of his time on Eros Station.

He needs to be checked for new cancers every month for the rest of his life. He has an implant where his thyroid used to be since his real one was pretty much cooked down from the radiation exposure at Eros. At the time, the medical system had shot him full of drugs that were supposed to stop his hair falling out - he was lucky the follicles hadn't died or he wouldn't be sporting his luxuriant head of hair.

He swallows the potassium iodide tablets with his coffee and then prepares the syringe with his oncocidals, tapping it lightly to get rid of the air bubbles. The needle slides into a vein and with a slight grimace he presses the plunger. The drugs travel into his bloodstream, a cocktail of medication designed to incite his bone marrow to make more white blood, to protect the cells that were exposed to radiation against DNA damage and to boost his white blood cells. To keep him alive.

Naomi's ready and wipes at the tiny red spot of blood that appears on the skin, applies pressure and then sticks a plaster over the prick mark. 

He puts the syringe in a disposal capsule, rises to his feet and leans down to kiss her.

Naomi smiles, her lips clinging to his warmly but as the doors slide shut behind him, her smile fades.

*

The first thing Naomi does when Holden returns from a mission is to whisk him to the medical bay for a thorough examination and scan. Tumours are removed, his blood is tested, his bone marrow is tested and it's not until the medical robot gives him the all clear that Naomi allows herself to truly relax.

Each of the crew has a supply of Holden's cancer meds in their pack when they leave the _Roci_ on an away mission.

"It's not that I don't trust Holden, it's just that – "

"You don't trust Holden," Alex drawls with a grin on his face. "It's ok, we got the cap covered..."

"We'll get him his meds before he starts bleeding out his ass," Amos reassures her.

"I'd like to remind everyone that I'm not a child," Holden declares witheringly.

"Sometimes you forget – sometimes you lose your pack – this way you've always got a back up.."

She uploads the details of his medication to all of their hand terminals, the chemical composition, viable substitutes if the original ingredients are not available. She even goes oldschool, printing it out on paper that she puts it in their packs in case for some reason the hand terminals don't work.

To Amos' irritation, Alex's amusement and Holden's exasperation, Naomi makes them all memorise the names of Holden's meds. "Just in case," she tells them. "If you get captured and you don't have your packs and – "

"I doubt our captors are going to care about my medical condition, Naomi," Holden tells her gently.

"I don't want to hear that," she retorts evenly and he his hand lifts to cup her face, his thumb stroking along the smoothness of her brown skin. Her large dark are slightly tilted, liquid and expressive. Her beauty is ageless. She'll outlive him and they both know it.

Whenever they dock at Tycho Station or any of the larger space stations, she updates the medical bay's database with the latest treatment and research on cancer therapies. She spends her petty cash on upgrading the equipment in the medical bay and stocks up on Holden's anti-cancer meds.

"Naomi – it's ok, I can buy my own …" he tells her.

"Well technically you are, our finances are pooled these days."

"Oh. Right."

While Holden's first priority is to buy coffee beans, Naomi heads to the pharmacies and buys up all the medication she can find, storing it carefully onboard the _Roci_ and makes a long-suffering Amos put in place redundant power systems so that even if the rest of the ship craps out, Holden's anti-cancer meds won't deteriorate immediately.

*

Holden walks into their quarters and stops in his tracks. Naomi's sitting there with a box of his meds in front of her, staring at it blindly.

"Naomi – "

She doesn't look at him. "There's a rumour of a possible breakthough," she tells him. "They say that maybe the meds will soon be able to be taken monthly … maybe there's even a cure – "

"Naomi," he tells her gently and comes to crouch in front of her, smiling at her with sweet, rueful smile. "Those cures are for people with a moderate exposure. Most people don't get exposed to a shit tonne of radiation like I did …"

Her fingers slide up into his thick, wavy hair, its texture so different from her own hair but as familiar to her as her own. "Jim …"

"It's ok, Naomi," he tells her firmly.

"No, no it's not," she disagrees, tears in her eyes. "This is the opposite of OK."

"There are no guarantees … look at what happened to Shed … Julia Mao, Miller – anything could happen at any time to snuff us out of existence … but what we have now – I never knew that I'd ever be able to have something like this. Something this good … and real …" His voice is full of warmth and love.

She opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out so he puts a fingertip on her lower lip and then presses it to his own mouth and then back again as if transferring a kiss.

"If this … this is all we have – then I'll still die a happy man."

She leans forward and presses her forehead to his, breath exhaling in a long, shuddery sigh. 

Jim Holden might be able to accept his fate with calm, zen equanimity but Naomi Nagata is a Belter, born and bred. From the moment she was born, she's had to fight for everything in order to survive in the harsh, unforgiving Asteroid Belt. 

She's never going to give up trying to find a cure for Holden.


End file.
